“no… what?”

“you bring colour to me”

“uh hmm..”

“no matter what, i just want you to know that i’m better”

“…”

“you know that. deep down inside you know it.”

“no. if you love me, don’t force me…”

it’s too late. the end has indeed begun. no matter the consequences, i will have her see the light, the truth and the happiness that have yet to come. ever so contradictingly, how queer for there will be no light if darkness never comes. and with this belief, i shall make use of the power of darkness to bring light into our lives. for the future, our future.

as tough as it gets, the challenge only gets worse. after all,the forbidden fruit, albeit sweet in its taste was never mine to begin with.

“no, if you truly love me, be mine… ”

and the day is friday.

first and foremost, allow me to apologize for this will be a negative post. you’re welcome to read on, or if you decide to remain positive, please stop here and probably continue elsewhere that is cheerful like so.

i’m feeling kinda shitty right now. well maybe it’s cny, but clearly the cheery atmosphere isn’t helping much. perhaps because it is cny, everybody thought everyone is going to be happy. sorry, but i’m not. i’m seriously perturbed nearly to the point of losing it. granted i may be in a position where i’m more fortunate than some other people at the same time i’m writing this, but i’ve got to think of myself sometimes, right?

i’ve still not gotten over the fact that i was blamed for something that i didn’t do right, or so i thought.
or, was i being judged upon? i’m not sure.
or, maybe i’m stupid enough to misinterpret certain things, i don’t know.
or, could it be that i’m taken for granted, i hope so.
or, perhaps i’m living in complacency where danger is actually looming and i’m still happy-go-lucky.

shit. in this particular moment i’ve almost forgotten that word. happy-go-lucky.

in any case, until this point, if you’re still reading this, i’m sorry to get you confused. my mind is still warped, blurred by the vision of tears, fused with sparks of anger that is seemingly bottomless. really, tell me what you want, K. tell me so that i can help you. do i really need help? i guess i do, but what kind of help? it’s weird when i can’t think anymore. my mind is simply full of thoughts that i had initially wanted it to be important. very much so, until when that something important pierced a blunt knife into my heart, twisting and turning in any way possible.

sigh.

in less than 24 hours, it’ll be the ox’s turn to take over the year. at this period of time where i’m supposed to be resting, i’m given an arduous task that could potentially wreak havoc. failure to complete this task however, would bring on endless hailstorm.

am i still not doing enough? or you just don’t effing understand? or would i have to prove myself lying in a pool of blood holding on to a letter of last words? i’m just standing at a crossroad here. yea i guess i really do need help. is there someone out there? do you hear me? i need a hand, please answer my prayer, grant me strength and wisdom to walk through this valley of deep darkness.

*breathes heavily*

i should be sleeping now, lest my parents need my help tomorrow with cleaning the house. if you’re still reading up till here, my heartfelt thank you for staying with me.

“how did you like it?”

“like what?”

“tell me. tell me you like it.”

“no, go away”

“why, don’t you like it?”

“i love it”

“then look at me right in my eyes and tell me you want it.”

“yes, i want it.”

“want what?”

“i want it.”

every single second that has ticked, every single breath that has breathed, every single soul that has evaporate.

“disregard what they say.”

“i did it only for you.”

“i want you.”

“no, please go away.”

and mark my words, that the minute hand touched 12, 3 days from now; death and destruction arises; heroes unveiled, only to be helplessly defeated by the very same fear that brings panic.
yes, the end has just begun.

“all i’ve ever done is for you. nothing, is ever wasted if it’s meant for you.
i had to fought to lose it all, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter.”

“you bring colour to me.”

“i know.”

“let me go.”

“i can’t..”

and the day is monday.